As we welcome a new month and approach the weekend, Mother’s Day is on the minds of many people. A day that is a celebration for some, a struggle for others, and a mix of emotions for many who carry feelings of sadness, grief and/or division that come with the awareness of this annual benchmark. While the day on the calendar can’t be avoided, there are many ways to navigate this day no matter if you are a mom, missing your mom, or can’t wait for the day to celebrate all moms.
Mindfulness and mothers may be two words that you think don’t fit together, however, why not? If mindfulness is the practice of being aware of the “now,” your current thoughts, feelings, sensations, and surroundings, then can’t we be mindful when it comes to this day or any day? Mindfulness is about being present to what is, here and now. Here’s our chance to be fully present to how we are thinking, feeling and experiencing this day, in real-time, not guessing or wondering how we might feel later. One way to allow for a more mindful approach to Mother’s Day can be using our acronym M.O.T.H.E.R.:
M is for Mindfully Observing Emotions. Holidays can certainly bring up emotions, however, real emotions should be true to the experience we are in. Emotions, like other sensations such as pain or joy, aren’t linear, they ebb and flow, and change. Even if in years passed you tended to feel a certain way, be present to how you feel this year – maybe you feel joy, gratitude, longing, sadness, anger, or a mix of emotions. Being mindful of how you are currently feeling allows you to experience this time without expectations or judgment. This means you must be present in the moment, open to your own thoughts, feelings sensations, and welcome acceptance of whatever arises. Being truly mindful and observing your emotions can help you to manage your emotions, feel a greater sense of control over your own responses and actions, and become more grounded this Mother’s Day.
O is for Offering Kindness Jon Kabat-Zinn, a pioneer in mindfulness-based stress reduction, (academia.edu) highlighted the core principles of observing emotions without getting swept away by them, by saying, “Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” While offering kindness to yourself, or others, is important, you do need to know what type of kindness you need. If you are experiencing grief or sadness, the kindness you may need is much different than if you are feeling tired or stressed. Rather than letting yourself get lost in your feelings, acknowledge your feelings, or other feelings and ask what kindness is needed here.
T is for Taking Care of Yourself. Self-compassion, nicely explained by researchers like Dr. Kristin Neff, who emphasize treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding you would show a good friend facing a difficult time or perhaps even celebrating a special moment. As you are thinking of caring for yourself this weekend, what do you need?
H is for Honoring & Healing: A celebration that revolves around people will always come with the weight of human experience which means loss or strained relationships for some. This doesn’t mean it has to be stressful or seen as a negative time. Being mindful of your reality and truth can allow you to find ways to honor loved ones, loss of a hoped outcome, or healing for your own personal journey.
E is for Embracing Experiences: Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is perhaps most famous for her work on grief, particularly the five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). Her work emphasizes that grief is a natural response to loss and requires time and processing. Motherhood, being a child and those who have suffered the loss of a child, know that grief is real, sometimes showing up as many other emotions. However, through embracing the experiences one has without guilt, blame or judgment, the healing or celebrating for days like Mother’s Day can begin.
R is for Remembering and Reaching Out: We know that avoidance hurts. If you are remembering a loved one who may be distancing themselves, and it feels safe to reach out, perhaps this day is a great tool. Or, reaching out for support from others to help you ride the wave of disconnected feelings may be just what you need. Connect with safe people this holiday.
Mother’s Day can be a complex time. However, the intention was for celebration and honor of those important women in our lives. With a new mindful approach, there may be ways to navigate this day and other holidays without feeling unwanted stress or guilt. Whether you are a mom, have a mom, lost one, need one, or grieve that you yearn to be one, moms are important people, and with self-compassion and thoughtful actions, we can all find more peace this M.O.T.H.E.R.’s Day!