The holidays are here again, well, almost! Depending on when you think the “holidays,” kick off, you could say they started with Halloween, Labor Day, or never end for that matter. The reality is, when the twinkling lights start to frame houses, snow comes and goes and you picture tables of family past, present or future, you know it’s “that time of year.” For some, this is the season of all things merry and bright! How nice. For others, it’s more, not. The stress of the season is too much, and the feelings of grace and gratitude we so hope to feel are not so “all is calm,” but more, overwhelmed. Let’s try to change the menu this year, before the bird even hits the table!
Thanksgiving can stir up emotions and anxiety about food, awkward family dynamics, loneliness, or the pressure to feel grateful when life feels hard. Add to that long to-do lists and social media’s version of “perfect holidays,” and it’s easy to lose your center. But before you start to stress your appetizer, let’s try to fill our plates a little differently this year, because we can! If this season of stress sounds familiar, take a breath, literally. The key to surviving (and even enjoying) the holiday season is to find your C.A.L.M.
C — Check in with yourself Before saying yes to every invitation or running ragged, pause and tell yourself: It’s not that serious! And then ask: What do I need right now? Maybe it’s quiet instead of another party. Maybe it really is to loosen up and enjoy some time with others. Maybe it’s a walk before dessert instead of another cup of coffee. Maybe it’s five minutes alone in the car before walking into a full house. Checking in with your emotional and physical needs helps you respond with intention, not impulse. Also, remind yourself that one day, one meal, it’s not that serious! If it is feeling that serious, go to the next level, put one hand on your belly, one on your heart, and think to yourself, “what would make me feel calm in this?”
A — Allow imperfection Holiday perfection is a myth! The movies make it look like everyone can just travel with ease and make these perfect meals, while travel plans can fall apart, the pie may burn, people can get sick and add in kids or grouchy elders and it’s far from the Hollywood storylines. Give yourself permission to let things be good enough. Gratitude isn’t about everything being perfect; it’s about finding moments of meaning in the messy middle. This can be especially helpful if you struggle with disordered eating. Perfectionism often hides behind food rules and what do the holidays bring: FOOD! Allowing yourself to eat or try new things with awareness and without shame is part of healing and maybe that messy middle. Take a deep breath before your first bite, notice the smells and textures, and remind yourself: This food is nourishment, not a test. If your flight gets cancelled, it’s not a reflection of you as a person, it’s the airlines or mechanical issues. How can you pause, find some balance, and give yourself a chance to ebb in the messy middles of imperfection.
L — Lean on connection (in any form) Loneliness peaks for many people this time of year. You might be far from family, grieving a loss, or simply feeling unseen in a crowd or even in a room full of people! Connection doesn’t have to mean big gatherings , even though it can be. If you need it or think someone else may need it, lean on someone else and connect! Call a friend and just say hi! Everyone needs a familiar voice right now. Volunteer! You’ll 100% forget all your own hangups while helping at the local meal sites or animal shelter. Send a “thinking of you,” text to anyone you may think might be struggling, matters! If you’re dealing with food insecurity, that can also feel isolating. Reach out early to local food shelves, churches, and community resources, as they often have special holiday options. No one should face an empty table of any kind.
M — Make moments, not pressure Instead of trying to create the “perfect holiday,” focus on moments that matter. A shared laugh in the kitchen when things go south. Take time for photos. Go on a walk, even if it’s cold. Light a candle for someone who’s not here this year and rest when you need it. The small things are what stick, not the flawless meal or spotless house. Maybe that midafternoon nap is everyone’s new favorite tradition! When overwhelm hits, hit pause, not push! Everyone else around you will agree too!
If the swirl of the season starts to close in, and overwhelm is already here, try this quick reset:
- Take a breath — in through your nose, out through your mouth.
- Take a bite — slowly, mindfully, without judgment.
- Take a break — step outside, feel the air, stretch, or just close your eyes.
- Take a moment — to remind yourself that you are doing your best, and that is enough.
Some people say holidays are hard, but why not just make them easier? You don’t have to be endlessly grateful or cheerful, you just have to be present. When you feel yourself feeling stressed remembers your C.A.L.M Check in, Allow imperfection, Lean on connection, Make moments. Take a breath. Take a bite. Take a moment. That’s enough. You are enough! This year can be different! Find your CALM this Thanksgiving!