“I’m well, thanks!” How many times have we all used this saying in response to our primary greeting, “How are you?” And yet, have you really thought about that answer and if you are being honest? Are you feeling well? Not just how many hours of sleep you’re getting or whether you remembered to drink enough water today. But how are you emotionally? In a time where we’re constantly measuring steps, calories, hours worked, and dollars saved, trying to post it all on social media as picture-perfect, emotional wellness can quietly slip to the side. And yet, it might be the most important piece of our well-being puzzle, how well we really are!
Especially here in Vermont, when the rural corners like Orleans County and the vast emotional needs often go unspoken and perhaps even unnoticed at first. Maybe it’s the long winters, the rural isolation, or even the quiet stoicism that we Vermonters sometimes carry like a badge, but we are humans first, and all humans have needs. Among those needs are the ones we feel the most, the emotional ones, that when ignored, quietly drain our energy, our joy, and even our physical health, and take away our chance to fully feel well. Yet, we need it!
We often think of needs in terms of food, shelter and safety. However, aside from the outside and tangible needs, we have needs within us, perhaps some have heard of the 7 Human Givens, a theory developed by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell in the late 1990s and amplified in the 2003 book Human Givens. This framework identifies seven fundamental needs for optimal mental health and well-being: Security, Attention (giving and receiving), Intimacy (emotional connection), Meaning and Purpose, Competence and Achievement, Autonomy and Control, and Privacy. Their website (www.hgi.org.uk) shares that “when these core emotional needs are met, individuals feel balanced and capable, but when they are neglected, emotional distress and imbalances can arise.” Our emotional state is really the foundation of our lives! Our natural needs are proven to include connection, meaning, belonging, and autonomy. When those needs go unmet, things begin to fray—sometimes subtly, sometimes loudly.
What do we do when we aren’t able to say, “I’m well, thanks,” and mean it? There are so many ways to journey towards a more balanced state, just by following the Huban Givens Framework.
Security: The Need to Feel Safe. Security doesn’t just mean locking your doors and changing your passwords. What types of things make you feel “safe?” You know calm, open, and the ability to freely ebb and flow in your life? Because when we do feel safe, it’s a nice and well place to be! Thankfully, here in the NEK, we do have access to services, while latest Community Health Data is showing one provider for every 328 residents, it’s easy to feel like there’s no space to safely fall apart or reach out. But this makes emotional safety all the more important: creating spaces where people can just be, without judgment or fear. This may mean seeking online support or using other services like calling 9-8-8 or visiting the new Front Porch venue on Lakemont in Newport.
Attention: To Be Seen and Heard Needing attention is normal and doesn’t make you a narcissist; it makes you human. We all need to feel seen, acknowledged and remembered. When we don’t, one of the best anecdotes is remembering that giving attention is equally powerful. In small communities like ours, one of the best things we do is notice each other! Wave, smile, and when you ask someone how they are, mean it!
Intimacy: Being Known Deeply We all need at least one person who is our “person.” Someone who shows up no matter what, and sees our worth even when we don’t. This isn’t about romance, though it can be, but it’s about the type of relationship that has unconditional trust, vulnerability and acceptance. In a lonely world where many connections are virtual, finding connections matters.
Competence: The Need to Feel Capable Vermonters are sometimes stubborn, so more than ever, they want to feel capable, able and ready to do what they want when they want. However, in the world of comparison and competition, this can fall short. Be your own cheerleader and remember how far you’ve come! You are capable of everything you’ve accomplished so far.
Autonomy: The Power to Choose We all want to feel like we can make choices. Whether it’s our housing, nutrition or even our careers. In limited areas, this can be even more difficult and that pain is felt strongly. Whether it’s choosing how to spend your day, where to live, or how to care for yourself, the power to choose is vital to our emotional health. Even small choices can help restore that sense of control.
Belonging: To Be Part of Something Bigger From work potlucks to town meetings, to running into the same faces at the hardware store, being part of a community feed something in us. When we don’t feel like we belong, whether because of differences, isolation, or inner struggles, our emotional health suffers. Here, where many people live in spread-out areas, which makes community harder to find, even small circles like you can find at The Wellness Center provide that essential sense of “I’m not alone.”
Privacy: The Space to Just Be As much as we need and want connection, we also need and sometimes want time to ourselves. Time to think. Reflect. Rest. It can happen daily during a walk at lunch or even for 10 minutes in the car before heading back inside. We actually can make this space, it’s not selfish, it’s sacred.
October is Emotional Wellness Month, and maybe it’s time we treat our emotional needs with the same seriousness we give to physical health. Think of yourself as your best friend and ask yourself if you feel like you are meeting your human givens, and perhaps how you can get there. Because without action, when we let our emotional needs go unmet, we don’t just feel a little “off” we feel unwell. It’s time we all put in the effort so we can mean it when we say, “I’m well, thanks!”